C&C King Buzzo Interview
We like to think of the C&C Interview as a fun, light-hearted, low key query - as opposed to the more "normal" interviews Virginia and I usually conduct using our real names. On the other hand, one person's idea of fun is another person's idea of torture. Thus, there are some people I would love to interview for the site that I will never, ever approach because I know there's no way it could turn out well. Despite my overall admiration and respect for the Melvins and my desire to do something on them for the site, I was thinking this interview I've wanted to do since we started the site, with King Buzzo (Melvins guitarist/vocalist & co-founder), very well might not turn out well. Eventually I decided what the heck? It's just a harmless set of questions; what's the worst thing that could happen? Well, he could be totally offended by our questions and respond by calling me names and writing one of the yelling e-mails that are in all caps. You know like: "LISTEN YOU STUPID BITCH I AM A SERIOUS MUSICIAN! I HAVEN'T SPENT OVER A DECADE CREATING MY ART SO I COULD ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT MY FUCKING HAIR." Fortunately that didn't quite happen. He refrained from calling me any names and only resorted to caps lock briefly once or twice; and I think he was more irked than totally offended.
At first I felt bad; I didn't irk him intentionally - I mean those are the questions, answer them or don't. But then I thought, you know, sometimes Melvins records have irked me; and if he knew that, I don't think he'd feel bad. He'd probably say something like "hey, that's my music; like it or don't." So in retrospect maybe the interview didn't turn out so bad. I did what I had to do, without compromise, and so did he. He did answer all the questions, with a Spinal Tap-esque level eleven on the sarcasm meter; something I can definitely appreciate. —b.f.
King Buzzo (far left) making a face similar
to the one I imagine he made after reading our
questions. Don't know what promted the
facial expressions made by fellow Melvins
Kevin "Rutmanis" (center) or Dale Crover (right).
Name: King Buzzo
Occupation: Professional pointer.
Marital Status: Married to my first wife Mackie.
Zodiac Sign: Aries
What is in your CD player right now?
Elvis. Before anyone did anything Elvis did everything.
Say you're entertaining a lover (or a potential lover) in your home, what kind of music do you put on to set the mood?
Setting mood? If said person isn't already interested in screwing you before getting to your pad I can't imagine music of any kind making that happen. Getting them good and drunk is the only sure fire way of getting into someones pants that I know of and if that's the case than a couple of rounds of "99 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall" would be the song for me.
Name three people who have influenced what you do.
Influences. Gosh, I never know what to say to that question. Influence is such a secretly dirty word. It's sort of a nice way of saying who have I been ripping off. Where exactly does the theft begin and end? Nobody knows I guess. When you really get down to it even taking a shit is influenced by when and where. When I take a shit all alone at home I just "let-er-rip". Hell, half the time I don't even close the goddam door.
Name three bands that you would clear your calendar to go see if they were passing through your town.
It's hard to say. If it's people I know I might clear a bit of my calender just to say hi, but mostly I just sit at home and stare out into the air with two syringes of heroin hanging out of both eyeballs. I might even camp out at some cheap dive hotel and smoke rock cocain until my jaw drops off of my tweeking ugly face. If I HAD to narrow it down to BANDS I guess I would pick Sun Ra even though I know he's dead. I'd even head down there if they were just propping up his bloated carcass on stage while the band lights up giant spliffs of brain killing devil weed.
Who's ass deserves to be kicked? (Why?)
There's this little four eyed freak kid who lives down the block from me who needs to have his ass kicked. He rides around the neighborhood on a "chopped" Orange Crate Stingray with two playing cards wedged on the front forks in such a way that it makes a hideous racket. I made the mistake of bitching once to the kids parents and all I got for my trouble was a "fuck you". I should burn their house down.
Who's ass deserves to be kissed? (Why?)
My tax guy for being so honest.
Care to pass along a beauty or style tip to our readers?
Eat like crazy. If it tastes good, it's good for you.
What's your favorite piece of clothing in your closet?
In MY closet? Well I would say underwear but I really don't wear any so I guess it would be my full length Mink coat. It's ok to like real fur again because it's back in "style". Thank god people have come to their senses about this "NO FUR" issue. Who gives a shit? Am I supposed to really care about those furry rat like monsters? I guess so… after all I did see what's her name from the Pretenders and Fred Durst wearing oversized "NO FUR" buttons in Rolling Stone magazine once so it must be real important. The glossy rock press have never been ones to make a big deal out of bullshit.
What would you want for your last meal?
A Coke.
What do you like people to do at a Melvins show most: mosh, sing along, or fantasize about making out with you?
I don't know. I love that answer. I DON'T KNOW. It works on so many levels.
Where's the strangest place you ever made whoopie?
Do you mean place or orifice?
(In honor of the splendor and glory that is the afro, and big hair in general, we prepared this Special Bonus Triumvirate of Questions About King Buzzo's Hair.)
Re: final question - mission accomplished!—eds.
What kind of care and maintenence is involved in maintaining your 'fro?
Give me a break. Do I look like I spend a lot of time on my hair?
What kind of hairstyle did you rock pre-'fro?
I have NO IDEA what you are talking about. If you mean what sort of a hair style did I have before now, I was a Nazi skin head. I was a Nazi skin until I found out that kicking the shit out of "niggers" and "kikes" was part of the job. I thought it was just about being gay.
Is your choice of hairstyle in any way an homage to the memory of Rob Tyner, Artis Gilmore and/or Bruiser Brody?
I just want to look like a freak.
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